The Quiet Still

God is often in the quiet still of the morning, and He is. Maybe because here, outside of really stepping into our day, we can hear Him.

But, what is He saying? to you? to me? Life so often is filled with unanswered questions, disappointments, and lost dreams. So, what is He saying?

“I have never left you or forsaken you.” Does He say this to you? “I have always loved you, with an everlasting love,” and, “trust me.” Does He say these things? Does He tell you how much you mean to Him? Like a lover who paints his Affection across every sunrise he sees? Does He say these things? as if, there were no other?

Because it’s often in the quiet still of the morning you will find Him. Because here is where He’s been waiting… all along… for you.

“My lover is mine, and I am his. He feeds among the lilies! Before the dawn comes and the shadows flee away, come back to me, my love.  Run like the gazelle or a young stag on the rugged mountains!” Song of Songs 2: 16.

Almighty

God is a fortress and lately, I’ve just wanted to dwell on that fact, and He is.  When you think of a fortress you think of four impenetrable walls, built to protect. Now, put yourself in the middle of that.  Because lately, that’s where I’ve been picturing myself, and when I’m here, God surrounds me.

A fortress is a safe place to be, is it not?  Especially if you feel something about life’s circumstances has become overwhelming, and if that’s the case, then put yourself in the fortress and let God surround you.

Actually, as of late I’ve been giving a lot of thought to moments in my life where God literally dove into my situation and covered me.  Or, maybe it’s because lately I’ve so needed Him He’s been bringing to my mind all of these particular situations: “remember when I did that?“  And me: “Yes, Lord.”  And some of these moments were truly amazing, to the point I was pretty much awe struck, “WOW!”  Case in point: San Diego. 2003. Vacation.

Except, strolling about Coronado Island one evening I step off the curb and twist my ankle, (can we say grace?) and without a doubt break one of the small bones in the top of my foot at which, I almost faint – great! Later, I find myself at the emergency room at Balboa Hospital where, I wait… and wait… and wait some more, (yeah, apparently a small broken bone at the top of one’s foot, isn’t high priority on an emergency room waiting list).

Now, being almost midnight at this point, my family decides to EXIT the picture, (hey, the kids have got to go to bed) and I’m left at the emergency room ALONE with the prospect of taking a cab back to our hotel room.  After waiting it out at least another hour I finally decide there’s probably not a whole lot they’re gonna do for a hairline fracture anyway, and so… I call the cab.  And believe me, this story just gets better.  The cab driver has to meet me at the guard shack, (yeah, this is a Navy Hospital, post 9/11) so… I have to walk/limp half a mile to the security gate to meet the driver.  It’s probably about 1:30 in the morning at this point at which, arriving at the cab, I’m starting to look a little bit like a shady character in a seedy story,  and how do I know this? because the cab driver propositioned me.

Anyway, as he drives me back to my hotel I do my best at explaining how I ended up in this predicament in the first place but, to be honest, I really don’t think he believes me.  Oh well.  Arriving at my destination, I quickly thank him and exit the cab, “whew! this night is almost over.”

Entering the hotel lobby I pass a couple of clerks who sit sleepily behind a desk, though, I don’t think either of them really notice me so, I head for the elevators,  and for some reason in this hotel, the elevators are tucked around a corner and way in the back but, I’m not thinking about that. All I can think about at this point is… I just want to go to bed.

So, rounding the corner I arrive at the elevators where, SURPRISE! a man sits on a nearby bench, and why? I have no idea, except that, for some reason,  it feels out of place.  “Oh well,” and shrugging it off I hit the elevator UP button and this, this is when the man decides to stand and wait with me, and this, this is the moment when my RED FLAG alert sounds: “ALERT! ALERT!” as sirens blare in the background, “DANGER AHEAD!”

I freeze, lost in a flurry of thoughts while sirens continue to blare in my head, still waiting for the elevator doors to open. Now, at this point, looking back, I could have just walked away, (or tried) and gone back to the lobby but, for some reason, I didn’t. Like I said, I froze, and it’s here that I began having an internal dialogue with God, “God, I really don’t want to get on the elevator alone with this guy. God, I REALLY don’t want to get on the elevator alone with this guy.”  Well, you get my drift, “GOD… help me.” Over and over and over again until the elevator doors finally open. Now, I don’t remember who stepped on first, I think it was me and then, “the man” followed.  All I know is that once we stepped on the elevator and turned around, “an elderly couple” came out of no where and stepped on the elevator with us and when I say “no where” I mean no where.  As in: they weren’t there until they literally stepped onto the elevator. Like, “now you see them, now you don’t,” kind of stuff.  Like, “poof!” and in an instant they were there, and in an instant, my prayer was answered. Huh, I even remember the look on the man’s face when they appeared, like, “where the hel… I mean heck did they come from?” And mine too, except… I knew

God: “remember when I did that?” Me: “yeah, God. That was awesome!“

“I Surrender! I Surrender!”

Lately I’ve been giving a lot of thought to what God requires of us. Or maybe, what God requires of me.  Because lately, God’s really been putting me through it, to the point that I’m now down in the trenches and waving the white flag of mercy, “I surrender! I surrender!”  And this can be a tough place to be, at least for me, because, I thought I had already gone through all my surrender issues.  Apparently though, there are still some areas of my life I’ve been hanging on to, (namely, trust issues) which God not so gently pointed out to me.

Yeah, God can be tough on us sometimes, it’s true.  The longer you hang with Him and really get to know Him, you’ll see.  He’s pretty much a  stickler about everything.  Oh, sometimes He’ll go gentle on us (especially if you’re a newbie), but if you got some serious weeds, (with deep roots) He won’t hesitate to pull out a bulldozer – whatever it takes.  Unfortunately for me with this last ordeal that I’ve been through, (and I’m sorry to say am still in the midst of) God plowed me.

Now, with most of these “God plowings” God usually gives us ample opportunity to avoid them, but in this case, such as not listening to Him in the first place, (think of Jonah here) He has no choice but to amp it up, “CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?”  Me: “I think so.”  Because literally, I just took it on the chin and am now down for the count,  “1… 2…”  Well, you get my drift and the last place you want to be, is in a boxing match with God.

Now don’t get me wrong, this wasn’t outright defiance, (okay, maybe it was to some degree, the more I think about it) but it was just a little thing, really.  Kind of like Jonah and Nineveh, (okay, maybe not quite that big) but still, God was calling me on a mission, only… I kept hesitating, God kept calling, and again… I kept hesitating.  Yeah, the thing about a mission is, when God calls you, it’s going to require of you two things: something called sacrifice, and something else: faith, and lots of it.

Me: “But…”

God:  “No, no buts…”

Me:  But…”

And then this is the part where God gets really annoyed and I land flat on my back with two bad knees.

God: “I kept telling you.”

Me: “I know.  If only I had listened.”

Yeah, if only I had listened, but the thing about God is, He still has a mission, for each and every one of us.  And the thing about God is, even if we do screw it up by not trusting Him in the first place, (and yeah, those orders will self destruct in 30 seconds) He’ll send another one, until we finally do get it.

And how do I know this? Because when you’re laid up, it has a really big way of getting your attention.  Not to mention that when I walked, (and yeah, thankfully I can still walk) into the doctor’s office the other day and took a seat in the waiting room, there just so happened to be a story on the news about some guy who wrote a book on faith, (yeah, talk about divine appointment).

Now, don’t ask me to recall who the author was or even the name of the book, because that’s not what I remember.  The only thing I remember is that it followed the story of a man who was sent to prison, and once there he told God, “God, if you’ll just get me out of this mess, then you can have my life.” Or in other words: surrender.  Oh, and that man is now a pastor in an inner city somewhere making a difference in the lives of people, who really need the hope that he brings them.

God:  “CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?”

Me:  “Yes, God.  I’m going.”

To Relish Him

And as I begin this morning nothing wants to come to mind for a title, but still, I write, and so often (as with so many other things) I figure whatever it is that needs to be said will be said. Strange but true.

But what do I feel the need to say? Not much really except, I want to find a way back to God. I’ve missed Him and I’ve especially missed writing about Him. Sort of a feeling of needing to dig my way out and back. Like, I’ve been buried under some giant pile of laundry (metaphorically speaking) and for some reason… it’s heavy. But somehow I need to. Somehow it seems that the only place I feel true peace, for me, is when I’m writing about God because it’s then that I’m actively seeking Him. I’m listening, “God, what do you have to say?” And this, this is what I’ve missed.

But this morning I pulled out some of my older writings, journalings, whatever you want to call them, and as I read through them what I seemed to notice most was… there was joy in my voice and the joy came from God, from pointing to Him, and I could hear it as I read, that old me. And you know what? I decided, “I want that back.”

Now, I know some of you as you read this might be thinking, “wow, she’s really fallen off the band wagon,” or maybe, “oh no. She’s a prodigal!” But, that’s not what I’m talking about at all here. What I’m talking about is finding and doing that one thing that seems to be, “what?” That one thing, and you know God’s given it to you for a specific reason that makes you, “what?” Could it be… inexplicably happy? Joyful? Even at peace? Could be. For me it’s writing, and more importantly, when I use that writing to point to God. Yeah, for some reason this makes me happy (and don’t ask me why this is, because as you can tell I’m no prodigy) but yeah, this, this brings me joy, and for some reason, this, this definitely brings me peace. And again, I think this has something to do with how when we use our gifts to point to God, it causes us to draw closer to Him, which is always a good thing.

So, “now what?” All I can say is, if God’s called you to do something, do it, and stop making excuses. You know, I’ve spent far too long searching for a voice I thought I’d lost. Or maybe… I preoccupied myself with other things because I didn’t know how to find it. Skipping quiet times with God because I was letting in too many distractions, when instead, I could just drop them at His feet and… relish Him. You know, that’s it exactly. That’s what I’ve forgotten, that’s what I’ve missed, and that’s what I want to get back to… to relish Him!  Again.

To keep working…

Can we see a bigger picture that only benefits others? A bigger picture with nothing in it for us, whatsoever? Can we be so selfless, expecting nothing in return? Can we do the things you call us to with no promise of something more, without asking or expecting, “what’s in it for me, Lord?” Can we go unnoticed, unthanked and unseen, and can we and will we keep on going? Working only for you, Lord, knowing only you see? Would that be enough to sustain us in this life, Lord; your approval only? And knowing this only by faith and faith alone, could we day in and day out continue to toil, turning heavy clay soil, in hopes that one day it might be ready? That one day might come the seed, and then the rain? That one day we might see the harvest or… will we? And if not, would we keep working? Would we keep plowing? Would we be able to keep our eyes on you and you alone? And would the knowledge of your beauty be enough to satisfy our insatiable appetites and keep our wayward souls?

Lord, strengthen the weak hands and feeble knees of your servants and all those who grow weary, and may your Holy Spirit renew us, causing us to see the need… to keep working.

“Space… the final frontier.”

And why that suddenly came to mind I have no idea. Too many old reruns of watching Star Trek as a kid I guess, “Captain Kirk, you’re needed immediately on the bridge,” and I’m sure I could think of other one liners if I gave myself a few more minutes, “Okay, beam me up Scotty.” Hilarious when you think about it, especially the outfits, but still, despite all the bad acting, Star Trek really was kind of a fun show. It was all about the adventure and exploring and, being the setting space, they never really ran out of new places to visit inhabited by all kinds of strange creatures.

But why all this talk about Star Trek you ask? Like I said, I sat down to write and for some reason that was the first thing that popped into my head. Actually, as of late I’ve had “space” on the brain. Not “spaced out” mind you, but literally “outer space” and just yesterday was reminded of how really, really BIG it is and I think we tend to forget this, living here on this little planet we call Earth, which really is a big place in and of itself, but what I mean is, I think it’s easy for us to get swept up in just our day to day activities; “what will I wear today? How am I gonna pay the bills? What should I make for dinner?” and who knows what else we need to add to the day’s never ending “to-do” list. Honestly, sometimes it’s exhausting, and sometimes, at the end of the day, we just need to let out a big sigh of relief when the sun finally does set. Hmm, where am I going with all of this?

The verse that comes to mind is this and I think it was Paul who said it, “for to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” (Philippians 1:21) And I urge you to read it again, “for to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” And I wonder… how many of us really think like that? If we’re honest, probably less than one percent of our day is thought like this and instead looks more like, “got to do the laundry, go grocery shopping, work, how will I get the kids to and from…” you name it. And again, that list can go on and on.

“Be still, and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10) Be still? You’ve got to be kidding? Space. Hmm, take a moment and think about it. How can I go about making my life more about living for Christ unless… I can take a moment and think about it? Unless, I can take a moment and contemplate… my minuteness, impermanence, compared to Him who is infinite? Huh, and yet still, “what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?” (Psalm 8:4) Amazing. When I take a moment and really think about it I realize, that to have the mindset Paul is speaking of in Philippians 1:21 is to live in the temporal. “Set your mind on things above, not on things of the Earth.” (Colossians 3:2) Because even as Jesus said, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:19-21) Space. And why is that the topic? Because, when you really think about it, when you have a moment, look out into the night sky and go, ” wow, God, you really created something HUGE here.” But why?

“As it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him.” (1 Corinthians 2:9) Hmm, and I get to thinking. I think of all the people, those doubters who would say, “why would I want to go to heaven anyway? I mean, what could we possibly do there for all of eternity?” Hmm. Looking out into the “heavens” I can think of lots of things filled with all kinds of possibilities. First and foremost, getting to hang out in the presence of one incredibly amazing God, and secondly, having all of eternity to explore His vast and seemingly never ending creation. Sounds like fun, does it not?

Look here digg.com/d1ofQT if you want to see what I’m talking about.

Early

It’s early and as I sit at my desk with the window open overlooking our community pond the sun is shining, and yet as I take a moment to perhaps daydream, I start to see more and more of those little white puffy clouds (like sheep) begin to proceed across that great blue backdrop we call sky.

It’s now that I hear the lawn mower service, their distraction like clockwork every Tuesday morning, the steady hum or buzz of their equipment encroaching on my serenity, only to find another distraction as I hear the voice of my neighbor Christy, down on the lawn below.  Christy, a single mom, like myself, along with her five year old son Cameron as they play with their dog.  I then hear Cameron ring my doorbell (for fun) and then, I hear Christy scold him.  Aw, to be young again.  Nothing better to do but chase your dog and ring the neighbor’s doorbells, because surely they must be sleeping (especially at 8:30 in the morning when they’re on vacation;). If I had a dog, which someday I hope life and Time will once  again afford me  (for now, I’ll have to settle for my crazy parakeet) I think it might be fun to chase him or her, though ringing doorbells of my unsuspecting neighbors? at my age,  probably not such a good idea (though still, the idea is tempting).

But… up early this morning I got to thinking about how at the beginning of our lives (and I think seeing and hearing Cameron out playing on the lawn below reinforced this) life is so much more carefree and easy. Our whole lives spread out before us and filled with possibility. And then? We have to grow up, don’t we? and perhaps at times life doesn’t always turn out to be the picnic in the park we thought it’d be.  Life and all it’s demands has a way of pressing in. Whether it’s family, work, finances, something. It’s always something. And for me I think most of all, it’s Time.  Time, that pesky culprit.  If only we had the ability to stop it. But Time will halt for no one.  Better yet, to grab some rope and attempt to lasso it, tame it, so that instead of Time getting a handle on us we can at least try, try, to get a handle on it.

So… why am writing all of this?  Honestly, I just felt the need to write something, hoping that practice will make perfect, right? But tomorrow, tomorrow I’m turning thirty-nine (and how this happened I have no idea. Again, I think Time had something to do with it) but at least I’ll be spending it at Disney World so maybe, just maybe, for a day, I’ll get to feel like a kid again.  Honestly though, most of the time (inside) I already do anyway.  I mean, didn’t Jesus say something to the affect of, “unless you all become as little children, you cannot enter the Kingdom of Heaven?”  I could google it, but I’m pretty sure He did.

Yes, to be like Cameron, or rather, to have the mindset of a child. And what is that?  Trusting, believing, carefree, simplicity.  Faith.  How many of us as adults really live like that?  God says… but do we believe Him?  For a child it is so, so easy.  God says… but oh, how many of us worry.  God says… but oh, how we don’t want to let go of anything.  God says… what?  How many things? And yet, how much easier life might be if we did and really could live like that, “with the mindset of a child,” trusting, believing, and God as our Heavenly Father who always, always is looking out for us.  Who always, always has our best interest at heart.  Who always, always loves us and sees us just like that, perhaps as we truly are;  His little children.  At least I like to think that’s how God sees us and from what I’ve read in His Word I think that’s a pretty good assessment. In His eyes we can chase puppies, ring doorbells and who knows what else, and does not God expect it? Maybe like the loving parent, He can look past all our imperfections, and sees only the cuteness, the fondness, that feeling where love wells up in your heart and where it came from? Well, only God can answer that question and yes, even sometimes He has to discipline us, but God as loving Father and us as His children…  it’s a good thing to dwell on, is it not?

Time.  It makes me think of a favorite line from a maybe not so favorite movie of mine, but I loved the line anyway and it’s always stuck with me.  “Pretend we’re starting out in life, instead of ending up.”  And what do I take from that?  That no matter what or where you’re at in life, whether it’s something you always wanted to do, become, a relationship you’ve been wanting to mend or, even your relationship with God, no matter what it is…  “it’s never too late to be early.”  God bless!

He Is

There are so many ways one could complete that sentence, “He is…” fill in the blank.  Honestly I don’t think there are enough words one could even find to adequately describe Him. Maybe it’s just awe, and I guess that’s my one word of choice, at least for today anyway; awe.  Because as far as I’m concerned, that’s it.  Words would not suffice. If and when we find ourselves in His presence (face to face), and believe me, one day all of us will. I think, “what?” I think we will be speechless and in awe, all of us, all of us will fall on our faces before an indescribable God. Who is… “what?”  Who simply is and that is enough to describe Him.  But for now, though my words of praise for Him may be inadequate, still… let us praise Him for who He is, and let it be known… who He is to you!

Something

Sometimes how rainclouds start to form on a horizon and seeing them in the distance you know that, “rain’s a comin’,” sometimes that’s how it is when you start to feel the Holy Spirit move and your first inclination is to think, “He’s up to something.” You may not know what exactly, but for some reason He keeps impressing on your heart, what? “A thought, an impression, a feeling?” Something, and so the best place to always start out with “something” is just… to pray about it.

Rejoice, you people of Jerusalem! Rejoice in the Lord your God! For the rain he sends demonstrates his faithfulness. Once more the autumn rains will come, as well as the rains of spring. (Joel 2:23)

When God Gives You Ducks

Not swans, but ducks. And actually, I have always been quite fond of ducks for some reason. I think they’re funny little characters; the way they waddle, quack, turn their necks to watch you, and even wag their tails. In fact, a bird watcher at heart they really do amuse me; ducks, and I don’t know why. Maybe it has something to do with growing up in Oregon and the way the rain rolls off their backs. Or maybe it’s the way they seem to go about their business, not really bothered by anything but just completely happy and yet at the same time completely oblivious. Ya, ducks. When God gives you ducks.

It was just the other day when I came out of my apartment building that much to my surprise their were three ducks parked just outside my door, nestled around a tree adjacent to our community pond. I stopped, “ducks!” I exclaimed and of course all three of them turned to look at me.

I have always since moving here wished that our pond had some ducks that lived in it. We have fish, a family of turtles, and thankfully no alligators, well, at least not yet anyway, but ducks? We haven’t had any ducks until, well, just the other day and when I saw them I knew (for need of cheering up) that they were a gift and I said, “thank you, God,” because He knows just how much I love them. Ya, ducks.

Well, quickly I ran back inside, grabbed some pieces of bread and came back out to feed them. They seemed grateful too, like, “hey, maybe this won’t be such a bad place to hang.” And again I had to laugh, watching as they wagged there tails, fighting for who was going to get that last crumb and you know what? I think ever since then I’ve become their new “best” friend because now if they see me, they come waddling. Gee, imagine that! Ya, when God gives you ducks. Not swans, but ducks and what do you do when God gives you ducks?

I think most of us if we’re honest, we’re waiting for swans, but what happens when instead, God gives us ducks? Are we so set on swans that we miss the blessing? our eyes so focused on what we thought was due us? Or… do we see? that even in something that may not appear to be all we’d hoped for that God still has something good for us underneath? Ya, ducks. And I think for the most part God is more apt to give us ducks. Swans? Swans require of us nothing. But ducks? Ducks require that we change; asking God to change our line of vision so that we can then see His intended blessing. Hmmm. Maybe it’s when God gives us ducks that that’s exactly what He’s after in the first place; something in us He wants to change.

Just something to think about next time you find ducks on your doorstep with a note that reads, “I’m just trying to teach you something… Love, God.”

This is an old post I never got around to posting (I have a lot of those) and after reading through some of them this one really spoke to me. Yes, lessons from my own writing but still, a good reminder when things don’t always turn out the way we hoped they would.

No matter what, God is always working.